(GROANS) Dad, you alright?
Is it your legs? Cramps.
Pressing a glass up against your head? That does absolutely nothing.
Should I save this guy or not?
Dr Knight. Seriously.
He is a fat, sexist shock jock who adds nothing to the world.
You have a mass on your chest.
But here at Hillbilly Hospital, we don't know for sure what that is.
Hey, you want to hit the office, do the books?
Make a baby? I don't think I am ovulating now.
Who's that? Your brother.
Oh, the foster kid. Your brother.
He's been that since he was six. Stop calling him that.
I got you a very hard to get appointment.
It is cancer. I knew it.
So happy when he kills.
(WHISPERS) He could be a psychopath, the jury is out.
I just like shooting.
Aw! Why are you all so violent?
Why would you do that? Jesus!
Penny will take care of you. I'll see you.
You'll need a prostate exam.
I'm certainly not having a woman do that, am I?
So...
..what are you going to do?
What?!
I don't know what to do! What am I going to tell my mum?
How I am going to go to school?
I told him to pull out, I told him I wasn't on the pill.
I don't even like him that much. I can't have a baby with him.
We did it in the back of a truck. That is not where babies come from.
There's no romance in that. I'm only 15.
You are not pregnant, but that's what it feels like.
Consider this the best lesson in contraception you will ever have.
You can't do that. I mean, you're a doctor.
Dr Knight, your lawyer called.
Thanks, Betty. Four times. Thank you, Betty.
He says if you don't call him back... Betty.
Please don't tell anyone about this.
I wasn't really in the back of a truck with him
and I always use condoms.
I will bulk bill you for today.
This might sound bad, but I read your stars for today
and it said your past is coming to get you.
♪ I'm going up the country Babe, don't you wanna go?
♪ I'm going someplace where I've never been before
♪ I'll leave this city, I've got to get away
♪ I'm gonna leave this city
♪ I've got to get away
♪ All this fussin' and fightin' Man, you know I sure can't stay. ♪
What do you want? What makes you think I want something?
Everything about you right now. I'm glad he brought it up, actually.
I didn't. It appears that I need to go to Sydney today.
Today? Is this you being funny?
I have a little legal matter that won't clear up.
What... did... you... do?
How did he record it?
Phone. In his gown, up his arse. I don't know exactly.
You can't do this to me, Hugh. To you?
I am I going to get a GP to come all the way out here and work
if you get yourself struck off for being a dickhead?
How long have you known about this?
Well, I knew one of my patients had made a recording of me
while I was operating, but I didn't know he was going to blackmail me
by threatening to go to the Medical Board about what he heard.
Blackmail? Or is he just making a justified objection
to what you said? Every opinion is valid.
Good news is, he wants to meet me. When?
Bad news is today.
You are so arrogant! You're on probation.
Yes, now you can see why I said, "I need to go to Sydney."
Go, make it go away, for all our sakes.
MATT: Charlie, are you there? Hello?
You alright? I'm definitely distracted. Sorry, what did you say?
I said, "When are you ovulating? I will put it in the calendar."
And then I said, "Charlie, are you there? Hello." Oh, right.
What's going on? Nothing, I'm just a bit...
Don't worry about it.
Is it because we are not pregnant yet?
Maybe, I guess.
A bit.
Well, we will get pregnant. Stop being so endlessly positive.
OK, we won't get pregnant.
We have been trying, trying, trying for six months
and nothing is happening and I'm sick of trying.
It is normal for it to take a while. That is why we've got to keep at it.
Are you taking me seriously or are you trying to have sex with me?
Well, can it be both?
You actually think you're being charming right now.
God, you are a dick sometimes!
You going somewhere?
Just heading back to Sydney. Back before you know it.
You are certainly racking up the frequent flyer points.
You know me, I love flying. Can't get enough.
I'm checking up on Joey,
see he's getting the proper medical attention, OK?
He's resourceful.
And he's always been so creative with roadkill.
Dad.
Got your test results back this morning.
You have something called myelodysplasia.
It is a blood disorder.
You're going to need blood transfusions to clean your blood.
Regularly. How often will depend on your red blood cell count,
but we are the same blood type so I can donate.
Maybe you can bring Mum along with you.
I'm not telling her.
She is your wife. And you are my doctor.
So you keep your mouth shut too.
(MAGPIE SQUAWKS)
Alright, alright, I'm going! I'm going!
Hey.
You OK?
Yup. You seem angry at that tree.
It's not the tree.
Right, well, I'm going to Sydney for the night.
Good for you.
You could... come?
Right, well, I just had a very similar one-way conversation
with Dad, so I'm going to get going.
It was a dumb idea. You have a farm and a wife and...
I'm going to get going.
Yeah, alright.
Don't you have to check with Charlie first? No.
I'll get my bag.
So, a woman has eggs and a man has what?
Sperm. Good.
And when you mix those two things together, they become an embryo -
if you're lucky -
which eventually grows into a fetus and becomes a baby.
Any questions so far? Rachel.
Why does my dad sometimes lock his bedroom door when he's with my mum?
Because they're... talking about you. Any other questions?
Floyd.
Why do ladies grow babies in their tummies if their bums are bigger?
(LAUGHTER) That is a great question!
Can anyone think of a reason why? No?
OK, imagine this was my baby and I was pregnant here.
What is my first problem?
Floyd. Doing a fart.
Yes, thank you, Floyd. That is definitely a problem, isn't it?
Are there any other problems?
You can't sit down. Precisely, Rachel!
You can't sit down. Very good.
(MESSAGE TONE) Now, where was I? Uh...
Just talk amongst yourselves.
Mile High Club flashbacks?
I wouldn't recommend it, actually. It's a small space, impractical.
Geez, you're really working up a sweat.
All I can see is flames.
And this helps?
I'm trying to release my fear. Huh?
EFT - emotional freedom technique.
I'm tapping on acupuncture points.
Look, it is very big in Byron, alright?
(SEATBELT TONE) Wow, we're not even off the ground yet.
What are you going to be like in the air?
You must have a pretty good reason to go to Sydney.
One of my patients is making a complaint about me.
Well, a couple of complaints - malpractice, defamation...
Well, just a collection of complaints he put together
after listening to a recording of me operating on him.
Shit. It's going to be fine.
My lawyers will fix it. The city will save me.
HUGH: (ON RECORDNING) 'Whoa, look out, herpes alert.'
Don't have herpes, never have. I know, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.
'If it comes out dirty, you've got to kiss the nearest girl.
'WOMAN: Eugh! That means you, Sonia.
'Dirty! WOMAN 2: I am going to hold you to that.
'I'm going to hold you to a lot of things,
'starting with my bedroom wall. Ooh, Sonia!'
Things didn't work out with Sonia, if that makes a difference.
'Here we have it. The heart.
'Tucked away under layer upon layer
of fat, custard and marzipan on top.'
Look, can be just stop? 'Anyone for cake?'
Let's cut to the part where I say I'm sorry
and you tell me what you want.
No. I want him to hear this.
I apologise, Henry. I really do.
This was not a good time for me and I was not my best self.
I understand this must be very distressing for you to hear,
but you were never meant to.
Let's not drag this out any further.
What have I got to do to keep it all in this room?
'Oh! Found the remote. It was inside this fat roll here. (WOMAN LAUGH)'
My client is asking for $100,000 for the distress Dr Knight has caused,
plus a further $30,000 for every comment deemed hurtful.
$30,000 per comment?
Per comment.
Or I take my complaint and my evidence to the Medical Board.
You...
'Sonia, watch your hand. I think he likes you.'
Alright, I'll take it.
PENNY: What about this guy? Lives 40 minutes out of town.
Handy in case he gets annoying.
Likes to take long walks. Who doesn't?
And looking at pictures in cookbooks.
I think he sounds perfect.
One of these guys has to be nice enough to see more than once.
Give me a look at his photo.
Aw... no. Not him. Why not?
Here is a picture of him at Machu Picchu.
His medical history?
Betty, that would be unethical and unprofessional for me to look at...
He came in last week.
(GASPS) God! That would be unpleasant.
Oh, Betty.
You saved me.
Your prince will come, Tinderella.
MATT: There's nothing you could have done. Your hands were tied.
I tell you what I could have done.
I could have reached into his chest and pulled out my A-grade stent.
Hospitals are full of people like Henry Goodall.
No self-control, blaming everyone else for their shitty lives
while they sit around on their fat arses watching TV,
eating shit, drinking sugar.
He should be thanking me for operating on him in the first place.
You know the grand irony is if I hadn't done such a good job
on his heart, Henry Goodall wouldn't be alive right now to sue me.
Well.
That will make really interesting listening at the Medical Board.
Oh, that wasn't you.
I was talking about somebody else.
You mentioned my name. Twice.
(SNIFFS)
Have you been doing what I think you've been doing?
Mate, don't ask him questions...
I've been doing what any normal person does in a toilet cubicle.
Oh, I can smell you from here!
Hey! Hey! You're making it worse! Get him off me!
Ah-ha!
You reek of them. Give it back!
Every time you smoke one of these, you ruin my good work.
Hey! Don't!
I'll gladly tell my lawyers that you used assault to relay your advice.
Oh, please. Send them my regards.
Righto, righto, time to go, time to go.
Bye-bye, now. And thanks in advance.
At 30 grand a comment, you have just taken
the most expensive piss of your life!
(SIGHS) Ah!
So you just up and left, did you?
Surprised your husband can still surprise you?
This better not be about this morning, Matt.
If I'd known you were going to run off, I wouldn't have said anything.
Whoa, whoa, no-one is running anywhere.
I'm just ticking a night away to bond with my brother.
Yeah, and that always works out well, doesn't it?
I'll call you later, alright?
(SIGHS) Charlie and I had a blue this morning.
Yeah? About any one thing specifically, or...?
It wasn't about you, if that's what you're thinking.
I wasn't.
Got better things to talk about. Well, I hope so.
This is it.
Thank you for that.
Might take a look around town, leave you to it.
(SIGHS) Good one.
(PHONE RINGS) (SIGHS HEAVILY)
Mike. Yeah, it's me.
Look, something's happened.
Regrettable. Again.
I may have made things worse.
No, much, much worse. Anyway, see what you can do.
OK, thanks.
You can fit more passion fruit. More passion fruit?
More, always more.
You don't win best stall at the Whyhope school fete
four years in a row by scrimping on passionfruit.
Do we, ladies? Everyone loves passionfruit.
Yes!
I am not losing my best stall title
to some second-hand smelly old clothes stall.
No, we're going to win it with this butter cake recipe, for sure.
My grandmother taught me how to ice a butter cake
and her grandmother taught her.
Oh, if only I had a little grandson,
one that I could pass my recipe onto.
How long does a grandmother-to-be have to wait?
Oh, the waiting is a terrible thing.
Why don't you just write your recipe down and I will pass it on.
Ajax and I will have a baby for you, Meryl,
once we get married, of course. And go to Disneyland.
So much to do! Oh, I love butter cake.
(CHUCKLES)
Hayley, darling, I don't doubt for a second
that you will provide a string of wholesome babies when you are ready.
You've got birthing hips. Make a good dairy cow.
God willing. Thank you, Meryl.
Not all cows produce milk.
Or babies. That's life.
Did you ever think the problem isn't the cow?
The problem could very well be the bull.
Are you being deliberately obstructive, Charlotte?
Are you trying to be barren?
The Lord will plant the seed when the time is right.
Hayley, stick to the passionfruit.
(CHUCKLES)
Can I help you or should I call security?
Ah, no. Nothing like that. I want to get my swimmers tested.
You'd like an appointment? Yes.
Next appointment is in June. Oh.
I can only do today. I don't get to town that much.
I can see. Yeah!
Yeah, I live in Whyhope, population 343, till someone dies.
We don't have a swimmers clinic there like this. We don't have much.
I can't, I'm sorry, there's nothing. Please? I will be really quick.
I will be... in and out.
My marriage is counting on it.
I don't have a clinic room available, but we do have...
Hugh? Hey.
I was in town, I thought I'd come and see
how they're looking after you.
They're not, eh? They're letting me go.
What?
I've got to go through the final checks before they discharge me,
but I'm going home.
I think they need the bed.
Oh, pfff. I'll find you a bed.
Hugh. Hugh, don't!
I'm happy to go! Hugh!
WOMAN: It's like you are not hearing me, Hugh.
How many ways can I say this? It is inoperable.
Nothing is inoperable. This is.
There is nothing more we can do for Joey but make him comfortable.
Comfortable?! Come on, don't be defeatist.
You and I both know there is plenty more we can do
before we start using the word 'comfortable'.
He wants to go home.
He'll be better off surrounded by the people he knows.
And his snakes, apparently!
There are no facilities in Whyhope.
You don't know what it's like. It is like a Third World country.
That reminds me. Isn't that where you're supposed to be?
I've known Joey all my life. He is my oldest friend.
Joey is dying, Hugh.
There's no point dragging it out because you don't like it.
It's not fair, but that's the way it is.
You have to think of him now.
(SIGHS)
Looks like you found her.
Yeah, she talked me through it.
It's serious but... nothing is ever certain in medicine.
Surprises happen all the time.
Always more tests or new things to try.
Are you sure you spoke to the same lady?
No-one can truly say what is happening inside a body.
There is always hope.
I don't know, Hugh.
Last I heard, we were running pretty low on hope.
Hey.
I'm not giving up on you.
I just want to get back to Whyhope.
Well, next fight is tomorrow.
You can stay at my apartment tonight.
I wasn't grabbing at his penis, Mike. It was his pocket.
Well, of course he is going to say that.
All the more to sue me with.
Yes.
Alright, thank you.
So, what's it like having your brother home?
I can't imagine Hugh in the country.
Oh, you just don't know that side to him.
What does he do when he's not working?
He must have some little farmer's wife he's trying to fuck.
There's always someone he's after.
Let's just hope it's not mine. (LAUGHS)
Mm.
So, what do you do? Um, I own a brewery.
Hmm, there's already so much about you that I like.
Ever tried to drink a Sydney girl under the table?
I'll meet you down there.
(LAUGHS)
Coming? Mm!
You're funnier than your brother.
No-one has ever said that before.
I wonder how the boys are going?
I think it's good they're away together.
So long as he doesn't bring that city attitude back with him.
Makes him arrogant.
I fell in love with an arrogant young man all those years ago.
I wasn't arrogant.
Still are.
You don't know what you're talking about, woman.
You never did. (CHUCKLES) You see?
Stop that. (LAUGHS)
Hi, Charlie.
Where is Matt? Why isn't he answering his phone?
He's... unavailable at the moment.
One has no hands whilst one is receiving a lap dance.
Ugh. What are you trying to do, Hugh?
Mix a mojito without any lime. What are you trying to do?
Can you be serious for one minute? Probably not.
We need to talk about what happened.
No. Move on, Charlie. It's over.
(SCOFFS) you are such a child. Just put him on, now.
Bye-bye, now.
Prick! Oh, my God!
Prick!
(LAUGHS)
I think everybody is drunk, but nobody is as drunk as you are.
You think I'm drunker than you?
By drunk I mean pretty.
Ahh.
Your bra's on backwards. What?
You've got boobs on your back. (LAUGHS)
They're on my front and if you want to touch them, just say so.
I'm not allowed. My wife would leave me if she found out.
But then again, maybe she's already left me
because I can't get my swimmers to swim straight.
Huh? I fed a chook into a cup today.
I think someone is talking gibberish.
I don't want to lose her. Who?
Charlie is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Hugh, my head, take it. It's falling off.
Come on. Agh!
Night. Got to go to sleep.
One foot in front of the other. Come on.
Are you alright, little brother? Mm. I want to go home.
I know you do.
Matt, call... me... back.
(SCREAMS)
(GOAT BLEATS)
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
So, how you doing?
Good to get a taste of the high life before I go.
Don't say that.
(CHILD SCREECHES)
I can't believe they brought their kids.
Hugh, Jasper did a poo in your room.
I'm sorry. I thought his nappy was on.
Do you have any towels that aren't white?
What? I'll handle it.
See, they used to be fun and interesting people.
You don't like kids?
No, I do not. Why would you do that to yourself?
I always thought I'd be better as a dad.
Even that sentence makes me want to go out and get a vasectomy.
(COUGHS)
Don't make me laugh. You'll kill me.
Probably not a bad way to go.
You're a dad, you know. What?
Ajax. He's yours.
Piss off. What are you on?
His mum is Kelly Cross, right? Yeah, I think so.
Did you ever sleep with Kelly Cross, Hugh?
OK, funny, 'cause you know I did.
Meryl took Ajax when Kelly was killed.
Why do you think she done that, then?
Mum took lots of foster kids. She just kept him, I guess.
I was interning in America. What is this shit? Are you shit-stirring me?
No. I'm not.
Ajax is my son?
And you worked this out by yourself, did you, Sherlock Holmes?
No. I got drunk with Kelly one night and she told me.
I guess she wanted me to tell you. So, I just did.
Kelly.
See you soon.
The look on your face. I'm glad I lived to see that.
You're for real?
Dead men don't lie. No point.
Where can I sleep?
(GOAT BLEATS)
Mum! Get out of here, you stupid goat!
Get out! Bad Dora! Bad Dora!
Mum! Go! Get out!
Get out! Look what you've done! Get out! Out!
Mum! (GASPS)
Oh no!
(WHIMPERS) Oh! Oh, it's ruined!
Oh! My stall!
Here's one.
You have it.
I don't like passionfruit.
(SNORING)
(GROANS)
(STIFLES VOMIT)
(SPLUTTERS)
Ugh.
Nothing happened.
Don't try and play the good brother now. It doesn't suit you.
(SIGHS)
We sold 25 plates already.
Oh, it is a fabulous turnout. And don't forget the voting cards.
Remember, it is all about the voting. Voting cards.
So, do you want to fill this one out and put it in here for me?
Ajax! Your brothers are back.
How was the city? I need to find Charlie.
HUGH: Do you think Matt knows about Ajax?
Dunno.
Anything is possible in a family.
Hey, Mike. Any progress on the Henry Goodall debacle?
(ON PHONE) Oh, it has gone beyond reconciliation, Hugh
He wants to go public. As in what? Journalists?
Well, the last thing he said was that he hates you so much,
he believes the right thing to do now is to let the people know
what a monster you are. (CHUCKLES)
I'm reading that as a television deal, but I could be wrong.
Got to go.
How'd you go?
Well. No impending law suit? No disgraced doctor headlines?
Ended in a handshake.
Well, that's a bit of an anti-climax, isn't it?
However, I'm pleased. Uh, doctor. Someone is waiting.
Who? Earth sign, burly man hands, related.
Is this a haiku?
JIM: Yeah. Are you kidding?
Did you see her get knocked out by Holly Hobbs?
Yeah, I did. Crying for a week.
How did you get him in? He came in himself.
Doctor's orders. Mine?
Apparently. Hmm.
You didn't tell him what I was doing in Sydney, did you? No.
The thought of going backwards in my father's next-to-nothing affections
keeps me awake at night.
Better than cocaine, I suppose.
Dad.
Sorry to keep you. Right.
Let's get this over with.
Did you get a lap dance, yes or no?
Define 'lap' and then define 'dance'.
OK, I am going to take that as a yes.
I haven't been that drunk since I was a teenager.
I vomited small parts of myself into every toilet bowl
from Sydney to here.
I flushed my soul down the toilet, Charlie. I flushed it.
If you wanted a lap dance, Matt, then all you needed to do was ask.
Really?
Yes! Really!
Last night made me so jealous, all I wanted to do
was rip you home and screw your brains out.
Let's do it right here, then I'll forgive you for the lap dance.
I can't! I can't, I slept with a woman in Sydney.
Who was she?
I think her name was Becky?
Did you kiss her.
I can't remember. Any of it. Then how do you know you did it?
Because I woke up, she was next to me in my bed, she was naked.
Before that, all I can remember is tequila, lots of it!
Tequila makes you do bad things!
I don't... I don't think you slept with anyone. I did!
You're too good! I'm not, I'm bad!
But you don't remember! No!
So where was Hugh when all this was happening?
Hugh doesn't have anything to do with this.
(GROANS) Oh.
Charlie, wait. When are you going? See you at home.
(GROANS)
Enjoy, and thank you for your custom,
and don't forget to vote for us for Whyhope Fete's Best Stall.
Oh, we filled it out for you, Dot.
All you have to do is just put it in the ballot box over there.
Just there.
There, there, there.
What about Beryl Jenkins?
No, you can't have her. She's dead.
If you had a truck that needed an oil change every two weeks,
you'd sell it for parts.
I think you should tell Mum.
We agreed. We wouldn't tell her anything.
Did we, though?
I don't want her to know and that's final.
Family has its secrets, huh?
Sometimes it's for the best.
And when would that be, those times? You got examples?
Right now.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Dr Knight, there is an angry woman at reception.
Just a sec, Dad.
(WHISPERS) Charlie.
Charlie. You are so pathetic.
You couldn't wait to get back here and destroy us, could you?
But I'm on to you, Hugh.
I know what you're up to, so stop going out of your way
to mess up my life.
I'm not. If this is about Matt, I told him that nothing happened.
Yeah, I know nothing happened
because he wouldn't do that to me, but you would!
I'm sorry about the other night.
Promise me we won't tell him. Make a pact with me.
We just won't tell him. About the kiss?
Don't call it 'the kiss'!
I don't want you calling it anything.
I am just asking you not to bring it up again, OK?
It's done, it's over, there's nothing between us.
Just show some loyalty to your brother.
OK. OK.
Four years in a row!
(HAYLEY CHEERS)
Normally I would thank my family for supporting me, but they didn't.
But my youngest son, Ajax, is here, so thank you, my darling.
And when you see your brothers, you can tell them
that my last will and testament will reflect those
who were in attendance today and those who weren't.
Thanks, Whyhope!
You didn't sleep with a woman in Sydney.
You... you went to see Hugh? Mm-hm.
(SIGHS)
My dick kept telling me I didn't but I head kept saying,
"You don't know that for sure."
Well, you didn't do it.
I'm sorry. I know I've been a crazy person lately,
but your brother makes me that way.
I'm such an idiot.
We're both idiots.
(GOAT BLEATS)
Did you do that?
Your mother infuriates me too.
Seems to run in the family.
Sex 'cause we want to?
Mm. Sex 'cause we want to.
You can't do anything?
Mike, surely there is...
No, no. No, I understand. Yeah, I know you do.
Well, I guess you'll let me know and I'll... see you at the tribunal.
Alright. Thanks, mate.
It isn't over, is it? No, it's worse.
It's so much worse.
It was a very, very bad idea to go to Sydney.
Henry Goodall won't settle. There's going to be a tribunal.
He wants to go public.
My lawyer thinks he has even struck up a TV deal.
I've said sorry that many times,
but he's very clear that sorry won't cut it.
What is he after? My head.
Then maybe that's what you should give him.
(SIGHS FRUSTRATEDLY)
Off to Sydney. Back tomorrow.
(FLATLY) Yeah.
What's up with you?
Nothing.
Did I do something?
You took Matt to the city.
So?
Didn't ask me. You never ask me.
I didn't even think. You don't see me as your brother, do you?
Do you want to come to Sydney?
As long as I don't give too much thought
to the amount of space between us and the ground, I'm fine.
You know I was afraid of blowflies when I was little.
And look at me now. Hardly give it a second thought.
I did not know that. Well, now you do.
What, he lives here?
Yeah. Flat 18 C. Poor bastard.
It's like chook batteries but for people.
True. Stay with the cab.
I didn't come to Sydney to stay in the cab.
I'm assuming you brought cash?
Henry, I wanted to apologise.
I bet you do now. But you didn't then.
When I rang your office and you didn't call back,
when I finally got a hold of you to ask you to on the phone,
you said, "Piss off, mate. You're lucky to be alive."
Figure of speech. "Piss off" or "you're lucky to be alive"?
Ajax. Why is he here?
He's not important.
Thanks. He never does anything with me.
Oh, yeah. Too big for the little people.
Ha, exactly! Big shot. Yeah.
Well, that is going to cost you. Please don't smoke.
Please! Don't smoke.
Henry, I can be an arrogant prick sometimes
and what I said was wrong and disrespectful.
What was it? There's audio.
Can I hear it? No! Shut up.
Don't talk to him like that. Thanks, mate.
Hey, do you have to live here?
You should move to the country. This is shit.
Uh... Mum has osteo. I have to take care of her.
Right. That must be tough.
So I have few pleasures, and this is one of them.
Henry, I want you to live.
I worked nine hours on you, twice.
I'm begging you, please let me continue to help people.
Drop the complaint with the Board. Otherwise I can't help anyone.
I can't save anyone.
Then I'm just an arrogant prick that has nothing else to offer.
(CHUCKLES) That's funny.
Shall we open a window? Hugh, you didn't actually say sorry.